IS cats assignment dued: tomorrow.
Things I'm doing now: surfing the net.
Things yet to be done: search for my SnW shirt, complete assignment, sleep.
(P.s/ this post is rather long. if you ever start reading, continue reading it and don't stop. if not you'll get misunderstanding halfway through.)
Sigh, yet another day of terribleness. I hate myself. Why do I have to be so impatient? Why can't I control my bloody stupid temper? Why can't I just leave some things unsaid? Why are words written on my face? Am I so readable? Damn. I really hate my temper. My princess tantrums. But damn again. Everytime I keep the unhappiness in me, it gets accumulated and goes out of me in one shot. And damn again, I hurt people around me. ):
I don't like this Cheng.
I used to control it so well. What happened? Is it due to the pampers I got from my caring friends that cause it go out of control? Is it due to the giving-in(s) from people around me to make me so bloody unreasonably hot tempered? Gosh. This is getting out of hand.
Cheng, you MUST CONTROL! MUST MUST CONTROL!
Stop hurting people around you!
But then again, is everything that went wrong, my fault? Nothing stays the same. You're changing alot lately. What happened to the together-ness? We used to be so close. I feel it no more. When it comes to going out with friends, you have another clique of friends. When it comes to talking about couples, you talk about another pair of couple. What happened? Am I no longer regarded your close friend?
We can no longer talk about everything under the sun.
We seemed drifted apart. Do you still watch my steps for me? Do you still say, "hey, i've got your back." Do you?
I've got Yong. He's almost everything of mine. But I need friends too. What happens to, "hey, you can tell me anything. i'm here for you." What happened to that too? Why do I feel lonely? Why do I feel nothing even when my friends are beside me? Why can't I find joy and laughter genuinely from the bottom of my heart? What's wrong with my heart? No, what's wrong with me?
I'm no longer feeling Cheng.
Where's the cheerful and happy Cheng? Why do I feel lonely? Why do I feel like crying instead of laughing when I look back at the old photos that we took? Shouldn't I be feeling happy when looking back at the fun we had? Shouldn't I be feeling happy to have yall by my side? Why do I not feel it?
Sigh, things never stay the same.
I missed the old times. I missed the old Cheng.